Review by JerkyLover777
One thing that I just thought about from the latest chapter during Peter’s angry rant, he made a comment that he can’t ever get registered. Forgive me if I got this wrong or am misremembering, but I thought in some circumstances where an unregistered is found as a victim, which Peter would definitely be in this case, that they could get registered and get mental and physical health evaluations.
Is it because the police got involved and DPS just wanted to bury it? I’m assuming the intent was to just hand Peter back to his parents assuming they’d take care of him, which…didn’t work out, but could just be me reading into what I want to read into too.
I will agree with luvenar that the tension in this story is palpable. Peter really does feel powerless and vulnerable, and while I like my giants gentle, I know this is meant to be a darker story ultimately. I am rooting for Izzy to atone and protect Peter as best she can, because I do think the sense of duty and empathy she extends to him even beyond her guilt is honestly beautiful, but there’s that line about the DPS keeping an eye on her and saying she can’t get involved with Downsizers that makes it feel like the DPS is also a looming threat, and that’s assuming Peter will survive Catalina.
Basically, good job on the story. Wanted to leave a bit more feedback after running through it again.
Review by smoki07
Another great chapter.But I need to understand something. When Peter is tricked to downsize, the gang of girls "play" with him. Is that because Peter's family paid Millie to keep Peter? How is the gang caught by Police then?
I'm kind of bummed now. I could have sworn I had slipped something in somewhere in the first two chapters about this, but apparently I didn't. I could have deleted it and forgotten to put it back in. But yeah, this is a great question! It's actually going to come up in the next chapter, so I can't really say anything at this point.
I will offer a bit of clarity, though. Peter's parents didn't pay Millie to take Peter in until after the girls were caught by the police. The girls kept him to themselves after he was downsized (probably more to stay out of trouble than because they wanted to keep him), with each girl getting two days with him at a time. They were caught before Izzy could get her turn with him, though, so he only had to deal with the other three.
I hope that makes things a little clearer, and sorry I can't answer your question (but, again, it'll get answered in chapter four). Thanks for the kind words about the chapter!
Review by luvenar
Chapter 2 done reading!
out of frying pan...
one thing that I must appreciate from it so far; the way you keep the air of uneasiness throughout, it made every scenes really unsettling, like just about anything could happen to Peter.
fantastic work!
Hey Luv!
Holy shit! It means a lot to hear that you get that unsettling feeling when reading this. And yeah, given how the story started, pretty much anything is on the table at this point for poor Peter! I mean, I've already got all those nasty tags laying around, right?
And I really appreciate the compliment on my work, especially since I love your stuff as well! So thanks!
Review by JerkyLover777
Man, it’s hard not to feel bad for Peter…really hope he has a happy ending in his future, he’s certainly gotten the shit end of the stick. Hope Izzy can talk her mom down from doing what I’m afraid she intends to do, even though Peter is her daughter’s victim here.
Yeah, Peter's had it pretty rough so far! Hopefully Catalina won't go too hard on him!
Who knows, though?
Review by ProbablyIX
Ooh, this one is a fun read. It's really cool seeing cruel from you!
The rampage in the shelter was great, and only made better by the context chapter afterwards gives.
Poor Peter. I really like the way you explore the long term consequences of a cruel high school prank. Bella is super interesting as well. The way she was directly responsible for what happened to Peter back then, but now seems to feel terrible for what she'd done, is wonderfully engaging. I wonder if anything specific changed her mind? Beyond just maturity, lol.
The hazy dream sequences were great, as well, and give a great look into the person Bella was back when she shrank Peter, as opposed to how she seems to have calmed down now.
Oh, and the way the shelter had all different sizes of tinies was a great touch. Since unregistered downsizers are usually shrunk off the books, it makes sense that they'd be all manner of weird sizes. Really nice touch with that one.
The twist with Peter's mum was great too. You really captured a kind of casual indifference towards downsizer suffering that's unique from the main story's overt hatred. The mum's dismissal of Peter's struggle is pretty realistic too, all things considered. How you could see the guilt and acknowledgement behind her facade, only to keep the feeling smothered down the first chance she got was an incredible touch.
Super eager to see where next chapter goes! In my mind it'd be sweet for Bella to take Peter in, as a desperate attempt to make up for what she's done. Though given this was supposed to be a one-shot, I can imagine her enacting a more, er, 'definitive' mercy to him.
Wonderful stuff.
Hey look, I'm responding to this review before I get to the one(s) you left for Roomies! Look at me almost having my shit together!
I was really curious what people who read Roomies would think of the, uh, slightly different tone of the first chapter of this one, and I'm thrilled to see the words "fun" and "cool" mentioned here! I love the gentle stuff, but man it can be so fun to write the darker stuff.
I also can't tell you how happy I am to see you say that the rampage was improved by the context laid out by the second chapter! I'm trying to mix in a little nonlinear storytelling with the backstory, and based on your comment on that and the one about Peter's shrinking being a high school prank, it seems like that's working out pretty well so far.
Yeah, there's definitely a lot more story to tell on what's going on with Bella and how much the passage of time may or may not have changed who she is or if that's the result of some other specific event or realization. But it certainly does seem like she feels at least a little bit bad, doesn't it? I mean, why else would he take him back to his family? Then again, why would she take him to an abandoned building where there are no witnesses immediately afterward?
You pointing out that you liked the dream/pheromone sequence is a huge relief for me. My editor was super confused by that scene (like beyond the type of confusion I wanted to instill in the reader), so thank you for giving me a little peace of mind here.
All I'll say on the different-sized downsizers is that we haven't heard the last of all that just yet. You make a good point on unregistereds being put through a bit more "variation" because of the off the books method of their downsizing, though.
Thank you for your kind words about the portrayal of Peter's mom. I tried to liken her brand of sizeism with those "non-racists" in the 50s, 60s, and 70s that looked down at the overt racists but indirectly kind of felt the same way. They were too guarded to say it outright and didn't want the social stigma of being branded a racist, so they were a lot more subtle in their approach. Mostly. Just like Helen, I'd like to think that type was pretty easy to sniff out when put under a little scrutiny.
And yeah, there is a part of Helen that still cares about her son. It's in there somewhere, and we saw that in her brief moment of guilt. But that shit is buried so deep under her sizeism that it'll never stay on the surface for too long. I'd like to think that nagging feeling will keep her from ever being truly happy, though. I take a little comfort in that.
I wouldn't read too much into the fact that this was supposed to be a one-shot at one point. I mean, my first thought was that the first chapter, which is something like 6.5K words, would have only been, like, a thousand! So yeah, I can't one-shot at all. And now that I realize that, I'm certainly not about to gloss over character development just for the sake of getting this finished faster. So I'm not saying your prediction is right, but if it is, it'll be done right (and by right, I mean long and with at least 4.73 metric shit tons worth of words!).
Oh, and rest assured that, at some point in the story, that "definitive mercy" will come! To and from whom, who knows. but it'll come.
Thanks for the review!