Review by McDead
This was a really cool story, and a very fun origin story too. I can appreciate how difficult it can be to write a scene where someone outgrows a building, but I was able to follow along quite well, so you did a great job there! I'm very curious how things would have continued, since at least in this story any malicious thoughts were purely aimed towards those that looked down on her.
If I'm to give any criticism, I'd say that there was a lot of obvious exposition at the start. A lot of telling, rather than showing. I think some stronger language choices could really help you sell the emotion in your scenes!
That was a fun read!
Thank you! I had thought about continuing it once, not sure if I'm ever going to since I'm not really sure where this would go. I hadn't really planned to at first since this was really just meant to be a first exercise in size writing.
I have honestly a lot of difficulty telling what info I should explain or leave out, what to show rather than tell. But I'm curious what you mean by "stronger language choices", I can't figure out what it could be.
But I'm glad you overall enjoyed!