Sarah sat back on her haunches, looking up at the sky, her head spinning from the reality of what she had just done.
Donnie was laying on the ground at her feet, as small as a mouse, unconscious, and it was all her fault.
“Oh Jeez…oh jeez…what am I going to do…is he even breathing?” Sarah’s voice seeped from a clenched jaw as her eyes remained closed tightly, blocking out the gorgeous midday sun.
It was otherwise an absolutely picture perfect day. 75, sunny, hardly a cloud in the sky, low humidity, moderate UV index, with a gentle, warm wind blowing in from the south. These were the days they used to sit outside on the balcony and read, or take a walk in a park not unlike this one. They would talk, or sometimes just listen to the birds singing and watch the squirrels scurry from tree to tree, engaged in their own little social engagements.
Birds.
Sarah sprang to life, gentle hazel eyes wide open now as she looked back to Donnie, relieved he was still there.
Gulls, crows and other omnivorous predators would make short work of Donnie now, and could easily snatch him right out from under her nose if she wasn’t paying attention. “Stupid, stupid, stupid Sarah…” She cursed herself, hand resting over her heart as she waited for it to stop attempting to tear itself right out of her chest in anticipation.
‘Pick him up…don’t just leave him there, stupid.’ Sarah’s inner voice berated her hesitation, causing her to reach out toward Donnie with a timid hand. Immediately however she pulled her hand back, examining it as though it were a sterile surgical tool in a dentist's office.
How could she just pick him up like this? How fragile were his bones? What if she broke an arm or a leg? How would she know how hard to squeeze, how gentle did she have to be? Were his bones like toothpicks, or worse? She had no way of knowing. Sarah examined her clean, well kept, clear painted glossy nails. Were they too long, rough, jagged? She remembered accidently scratching him once when they were cuddling, if she did that now, she might take an arm clean off?
She found herself chewing nervously on her thumbnail, a dirty habit she had all but managed to overcome, save for moments of high anxiety, and this was about as nervous as she had felt for some time.
The distant chatter of conversation, and the honking of a car horn in the far distance broke her from her self imposed stupor, and directed her attention back to Donnie.
“Oh babe, this was such a mistake…why wouldn’t you just hear me out? Why did it have to come to this?” Sarah whispered, reaching out to gently roll Donnie over to his back, immediately recoiling for fear of hurting him the moment he rolled over, with just a gentle nudge from her forefinger. “Oh god…oh god…okay. I have to do this, I don’t have a choice now.” Sarah attempted to build herself up for what she had to do next.
She was running out of time, somebody was bound to come along eventually, she was lucky enough nobody had seen her by this point. She was taking an incredible risk doing this out in the open, especially with the evidence sitting right in her purse.
Sarah took several controlled breaths, slow inhale through the nose, pause, gentle exhalation from the mouth, before stealing her resolve and reaching down to gently coax Donnie into her cupped palm, grimacing as his unconscious body flopped over effortlessly with only the most gentle application of force.
“Shit…sorry babe.” Sarah winced, immediately cupping her second under the first for stability, and forming a wall of flesh around him with her two hands, to stop him from rolling off, or blowing away.
Carefully, Sarah stood, keeping her hands close to her chest, as if cradling a glass egg, or a single soap bubble. Her tongue poked through her lips, slightly to the side as she concentrated on slow, careful, gentle movements. “Oh my god, you’re so tiny Babe…I didn’t realize you would get this small?” Sarah risked moving one hand, but kept the other tight to her chest, and gently touched Donnie with her index finger. Gently, she rubbed his back with just the tip of her forefinger. “Babe…don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.” She whispered.
“Sarah? Sarah Wexler?” A familiar but distant voice shook Sarah to her core.
Instinctively she closed her hand into a gentle fist, making sure not to crush poor Donnie, and held her other hand protectively over just in case. Her guardian spirit leaping straight to the defensive even without processing what was happening, and who was calling her name.
Sarah blinked, looking around as a rabbit weary of a stalking owl, until her eyes caught the approach of a woman, still a short walk away, down the cobblestone path.
“Crap.” Sarah cursed, looking down to her gently clenched fist.
She couldn’t let anyone see Donnie, not like this. Worse still, if he woke up now, he would be in an absolute panicked state. She couldn’t risk him crying out or risking harm to himself in a panic. Not until she had a chance to talk to him, one on one. That’s all she wanted, and whomever this was could ruin it all. So, without another option, Sarah pulled her purse up, and gently set Donnie down next to the compact mirror, a small handful of hair ties, a few ‘emergency’ tampons and a few neatly folded tissues. She hadn’t time to worry about if the tissues were used or not, but bit her bottom lip, hoping he wouldn’t wake up before she had a chance to take him out. She hesitated to think of how terrifying it would be to wake up alone, in the darkness of her purse, surrounded by random objects.
Sarah let her purse fall back to her side, regretful of this as her mind went straight to Donnie and the jarring feeling of a sickening fall and sudden abrupt stop. She had little time to dwell on this, as the stranger, now close enough to recognize was none other than Lila Montgomery.
Lia was to be a bridesmaid, she was Donnie’s cousin and one of those bridesmaids that you added to emphasise new family connections. Lia was tall, at least 5’10, with a strong, athletic build and a commanding presence. She had broad shoulders and long, toned legs with a confident and poised posture that spilled over into her long purposeful stride.
Wavy dark brown hair just past her shoulders, fair skin kissed by the sun, and deep green eyes framed by long lashes. Lila of course had a sharp, angular jawline, capping it all off with casual yet stylish clothes tailored for her high thighs and long legs. She was an absolute powerhouse, standing a good bit over Sarah’s small, mousy frame. And approached with a warm sense of familiarity that brought her right up close and personal into Sarah’s small bubble of personal space.
“Lila?” Sarah forced her words out, subconsciously clutching her small, quaint purse by the strap. This was absolutely the wrong person to run into at the complete wrong time.
“Oh my god, Sarah, I haven’t seen you in ages. How the hell are you?” Lila stood close, casual, feet apart, slightly leaning in, arms hanging at her sides, occasionally raising as she tended to speak with her hands.
Sarah remembered Lila well, highschool volleyball star, with a scholarship thanks to her athletic prowess. She was about as mean as a newborn puppy, but had the body and soul of an athlete. Hazel eyes drifted to her purse as Sarah kept her ears open for any faint hint of a voice, a cry, or a scream. She hated to think of what Lila could do to her, if given the right motivation.
“Heh, yeah ... about a year.” Sarah rubbed the back of her neck, making occasional eye contact. She hated close talkers, they made her uncomfortable, especially when she had to crane her neck upward to maintain eye contact.
She would know Donnie worked nearby.
She would make the connection.
She would realize something was out of place, this was bad.
“I know. Shame about what happened, I was really rooting for you two.” Lila, never one to pussyfoot over a sensitive topic, shifted her posture, crossing her arms over her generously proportioned chest.
Sarah froze, unsure how to even respond to that.
The video had gone viral, family, friends, everyone had seen it, Lila had even been there that night…she knew how it all went down. Why would she bring it up, so openly, so sharply, so blunt?
Unable to find any words, Sarah just laughed nervously and nodded, offering back a forced smile, shifting her weight slightly and looking down and to the side. “You…have no idea how much I wish I could take that night back, Lila.”
Lila took notice of Sarah’s discomfort, but smiled, trying to keep the mood light, “But yeah, I didn’t expect to run into you here. How have you been?”
Sarah bit her lip before looking up for a brief moment, her gaze flickering nervously between Lila and her purse, “Oh, um, good? Yeah, I’ve been okay. You know, just… keeping busy.” Sarah shuffled a little, hands clasping and unclasping nervously as she looked to the ground.
Lila’s warm smile grew, she nodded as if trying to affirm what Sarah had just said, doing her best to keep the conversation feeling normal, “That’s good. Really food. So… um, how’s everything going? I mean, it’s been so long since…well…you know…I hope you’re doing better now?” Lila laughed awkwardly, unsure if bringing that up was a mistake or not.
Sarah stiffened, her face flush red and she let out a soft, uncomfortable sigh, “Yeah, that… well um…” Sarah glanced away, shoulders slumping as she shuffled her feet. “You know, life…. Life just kind of…well it was a mess but… I’m moving on, best I can.” Sarah cleared her throat, trying to find words, any words to fill dead air.
“Oh, totally. I can’t even imagine… I mean, things really took a turn, huh?” Lila offered a tight smile, hoping to keep the conversation polite but genuine.
Sarah’s cheeks continued to flush, her gaze dropping back to her feet as thin fingers fumbled with the strap of her purse. “Yeah, well. I… I really messed up. I… it wasn’t… it wasn’t like I meant for that to happen, I just…” Sarah’s voice faded, she was desperately trying to swallow the memory Lila was forcing her to relive. Her shoulders stiffened, a mix of built and embarrassment.
“Hey, I’m not here to make you feel bad. I know things weren’t easy for you then, and, well... I’m sure it’s hard to, uh, face it now.” Lila shifted, her stance softening in an attempt to appear more open and less judgmental.
Sarah’s eyes darted up to meet Lila’s briefly, before looking away, her lips pressed into a tight thin line, “Yeah... it’s hard. I just... I don’t even know what I was thinking. I really hurt Donnie, and I’ve felt terrible about it ever since. I know it doesn’t really, you know, make up for it or anything, but I… I’m sorry.” Sarah’s words came quickly, all fighting for precedence as they poured out of her mouth. The weight on her chest was heavy, oppressive, causing her to feel faint and light headed.
Lila’s posture stiffened for a moment, then relaxed, as if the apology had taken her off guard. In the heat of the moment, Lila had been quite vocal and said many harsh things that night, so Sarah’s guarded stance was understandable, “I haven’t spoken with Donnie very much since that night, he’s been keeping a low profile. I wish I could tell you how he was taking this all, but honestly, I don’t really know.”
Sarah honestly hadn’t expected to ever see her again, let alone have a conversation with any of Donnie’s family. “Oh…s…so you haven’t been keeping in contact with him?” Sarah felt a weight lift off her chest, it made her feel guilty for the relief it brought to know Lila might not know Donnie worked nearby, and maybe wouldn’t connect the dots after all.
Lila shook her head, “I think he’s mad at everyone who was there that night…we all had a part to play in it…I saw where things were headed and I didn’t do anything to stop it? You know? I think he’ll talk to me eventually…but….”
Sarah bit her lip, her heart sank, her actions had not only destroyed their decade long romance, but broke a family apart as well? “I… Lila I’m so sorry…”
“Well, that means something. And... I’m glad you’re doing okay now. I hope... things are getting better, for you, I mean.” Lila’s face shuffled through too many emotions all at once to really read how she was processing the information she had just been given. While her words hadn’t expressed acceptance of Sarah’s apology, her stance had softened.
Sarah nodded quickly, her voice quiet and strained, “Lila I….”
“Well, it was... really nice seeing you, Sarah. Take care of yourself.” Lila began to walk away, slowly at first, then faster, long powerful, purposeful strides, she looked back over her shoulder, giving a final faint smile in an attempt to leave things on a peaceful note.
“Yeah…take care…: Sarah watched Lila walk away, hands still holding her purse strap tightly, her nervous smile fading to a pained expression of guilt. “I’m such an idiot.” Sarah whimpered, as she shuffled back in the direction of her parked car.