Noxie The Great Assistant by Melanie

“Oh goodness, are you… The Great Hero? The very one?” The inn keeper asks me, his disbelief plainly visible.

“Yes, that’s what they call me. I was on my way back to the capitol to report my latest adventures to the queen, but I got wind that a nasty monster has settled down near this quaint town. Is that true?”

“Ah, yes, it’s quite horrible…” he begins, his expression turning sour. “As you can probably see, we have mostly rookies here on accord of this town being mostly peaceful, save for the occasional hungry monster from the dark forest,” he continues, gesturing to the room we’re in. I had indeed noticed the abundance of young adventurers here, and judging from the stares they’ve given me they clearly noticed me as well.

“But a few weeks ago, a dungeon suddenly appeared overnight. It is quite small, but don’t let that deceive you! So far, none of the adventurers that set out to clear it have returned. I warned each and every one of them, but… they just don’t listen, their excitement blinds them.”

“Oh, to be young, naive, and brimming with passion to slay monsters. But you are correct, it is a tragedy, a monster preying on greenhorns, cruel even for their standards. I will put an end to it, and avenge the fallen!” I exclaim as I reach out my hand, the inn keeper eagerly shaking it to seal the deal. “Now, while I don’t want to drag anyone else into this, it would certainly help to have someone watch my back. Who would you say is the most hardy adventurer you have here?”

I watch as the inn keeper looks through the room to assess his option, before he finally stops. Following his gaze, I see a short goblin woman sitting on a barrel, her behind flowing over her seat.

“Her…?” I ask, turning back to the inn keeper, who suddenly snaps his gaze back at me as well.

“Oh, ah, well, she certainly has the most experience out of everyone here, but… they say she brings bad luck. Her name is Noxie Snagtooth, but some just call her ‘the goblin’, in fear that even saying her name curses you. Every party she’s joined disappears before long, but she herself hardly ever gets injured. Don’t worry, I’m sure we have-”

“No need,” I cut him off. “I don’t believe in such hearsay, and a little bad luck won’t be enough to bring me down either. Someone who can get herself out of trouble no matter what is exactly what I need right now. Thank you very much for your help.”

I place a few gold pieces on the counter before I step over toward where Noxie is sitting. Once I stand beside her, I see that she is admiring a few gemstones in her hands, so mesmerized that she doesn’t even seem to notice me. From here, I can also tell that she smells a little funny, but adventuring is hard work and baths are hard to come by, so I cannot blame her.

“Hello there!” I begin, finally grabbing her attention. As she looks up at me, she quickly deposits her gem into her cleavage. “You must be Noxie Snagtooth! I am Graham Cliffwinds, but you may know me better as ‘The Great Hero’.” I introduce myself as I reach my hand towards her.

“‘The Great Hero’... nah, don’t think I ever heard of ya, but it’s still nice to meetcha!” she replies with a big grin and a very powerful handshake.

“It is nice to make your acquaintance as well. Now, I didn’t come here just for pleasantries, I actually have an offer for you. You come with me to that dungeon to assist me, and in return I won’t just pay you generously, but you can also keep all the treasure in there, I have no need for it. What do you say, Noxie?”

“A whole dungeon worth of treasure, just for me? Why, I couldn’t possibly turn that down! When are we going?”

“Hah, an eager one, aren’t you? We can go right now, if you want, I have no other business to attend to.”

“Alright, let’s do it!” she yells as I give her a hand to get off the barrel, before we make our way outside. “Say, if you’re ‘The Great Hero’... does that make me ‘The Great Assistant’?”

“I don’t see why not. Very well, I dub thee Noxie, The Great Assisant!”

-

The walk to the dungeon is rather uneventful, Noxie and I passing the time by sharing stories of our respective adventures, hers ending most often by losing track of her party. It seems the rumors weren’t entirely unfounded, but judging by how often Noxie wanders off to inspect the most mundane objects, I am not surprised she gets separated from her party on the regular. If anything, she seems to have excellent luck to lose her party right before they vanish.

“Ah, this must be it.”

We approach an entrance made of stone bricks, a staircase leading underground behind it. I grab the hilt of my sword as I step in, Noxie following right behind me. Torches on the walls provide light for us, uncharacteristically welcoming for a dungeon built by monsters. This really is a deathtrap built to lure in newcomers.

“Alright Noxie, stay behind me and keep an eye out for-” I begin as we reach the bottom of the stairs, but get cut off when Noxie suddenly rushes into the next room.

“Oooh, treasure!” I hear her almost moan as she pulls open a large treasure chest, filled to the brim with gold and gemstones. I simply watch from the stairs as I wait for something to happen in response, such as a trap triggering or a monster lunging at her, but nothing of the sort happens. I let out a sigh of relief as I enter the room myself.

“Noxie, that was dangerous, you could have gotten-” I try to advise her, when I suddenly feel a sharp pain all over my body. I clutch my head as I try to find whatever’s doing this to me, but instead find to see the room rapidly expanding around me.

By the time the pain subsides, I have shrunk… I don’t even know. I am now standing atop one of the many small stone tiles that make up the floor of this room, this single one now big enough to hold a small kingdom. As I try to take everything in, I register something moving toward me from the corner of my eye. I draw my blade and face it, only to be surprised when I see that it’s a small group of beginner adventurers standing before me.

“Ah!” A young mage in the front yelps, putting her hands up. “We mean you no harm! We just saw what happened and wanted to see if you needed help. You’re… The Great Hero, right? It’s an honor to meet you.”

“Yes, that would be me, though it’s a little embarrassing to be recognized right after I walked into a trap. I presume you’re the missing adventurers that tried to take on this dungeon. No wonder nobody has made it out, this is quite the trap, something I’d expect in the dungeons high-level adventurers take on. Whoever made this dungeon truly had no remorse. Are any of you hurt?”

“No, fortunately not. We were lucky to not be in the path of that goblin earlier.”

“Oh, Noxie!” I suddenly remember my assistant. Poor thing was probably hit by the trap as well and is now all the way on the-

THOOOOOM!!

My thoughts are cut off when a powerful earthquake shakes the ground. Looking over to where it came from, I see a gigantic leather boot in the distance. Craning my neck up, I confirm that is indeed connected to Noxie, having merely taken a step forward. The stout goblin who was merely half my size a few minutes ago now looms over us, larger than even the gods I have faced before. She is, quite frankly, a terrifying sight to behold.

“GREAT HERO? WHERE’D YA GO?”

She takes another few steps in our direction, the resulting earthquakes some of the strongest forces I have been subjected to in my career. The other adventurers are rightfully terrified, but I signal them to stay put. I’m by no means a mage, but I’ve picked up a few useful spells, telepathy being one of them. As long as I can see Noxie’s face it should hopefully work.

“Hello? Noxie? Can you hear me?”

“GREAT HERO! WHY’S YOUR VOICE IN MY HEAD?” Noxie’s voice booms from high above, confirming I was successful. Still trying to locate me, I see her begin to turn around, threatening to sever our connection.

“Wait, don’t move Noxie, I need to be able to see your face! Listen, there was a trap in this room that has shrunk me incredibly small, along with all the other adventurers who were here before us. We should be on one of the tiles just slightly left in front of your right boot, can you try to find us?”

“ON IT PARTNER!”

We watch as Noxie crouches down, filling most of the sky and casting her giant shadow on us. It takes her a few moments, but her eyes eventually fall onto us, to which the group responds by jumping and waving at her while I send her another message.

“Yes, you found us! Great work Noxie! Now we just need to figure out a way you could pick us up. Maybe if you put down a coin we could climb up to-”

“DON’T WORRY, I ALREADY GOT AN IDEA!”

I wait to see what Noxie has in mind, but begin to worry when I watch her lick her fingertip. When I see it descending toward us, it becomes fairly obvious what her idea is. I try to send her a message to stop, but can’t concentrate quickly enough before her fingertip touches down, pressing all of us into its saliva coating. While I think that we would all have preferred to not be covered in goblin drool smelling of beer, I can’t argue with the effectiveness of this plan. None of us seem to have been harmed while she collected us, and we’re firmly glued to her finger as Noxie lifts us up to her face.

“WOW, Y’ALL ARE REALLY SMALL! I WOULD’VE THOUGHT YA WERE DUST IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER!” she explains as she moves us in front of her eye to get a better look, her voice painfully loud from this close.

“Well, good thing you did know better. Listen, Noxie, we need to get to a powerful cleric as soon as possible to undo this curse. I know one in a town called ‘Augsridge’ not too far north from here, but it will still be a few days worth of travel. Do you have a way to safely carry us there?”

“YA BET I DO! MY BRA AND CLEAVAGE ARE A BIT FULL FROM ALL THE TREASURE, BUT I CAN PUT YA IN MY BACK POCKET!”

“That… will work, I suppose. Thank you Noxie.”

With a smile, Noxie moves her finger away from her face and brings it behind her. Though, as we approach her behind I fail to see a back pocket anywhere. By the time I realize what Noxie actually meant it’s already too late, I can’t see her face and therefore can’t contact her anymore. We can do nothing but brace ourselves as Noxie plunges her hand into her buttcrack, digging her finger all the way down to her butthole to wipe us off. As she pulls her hand back out her cheeks collapse together again, smothering us into her butthole with the weight of two mountains.

“ALRIGHT, TIME TO HELP MY BUDDY!” I hear Noxie’s muffled voice from beyond her butt. As she takes her first step I feel her muscles shifting things around, followed by the mighty jiggles of her buttcheeks. It’s only the first step and I already feel dizzy from how her body is pushing me around. By the time Noxie has made it up the stairs and out of the dungeon I am battered and bruised from her buttcheeks’ assault.

“NOW… WHICH DIRECTION IS NORTH AGAIN?”

-

While Noxie goes on her merry way, hopefully in the right direction, I continue to have the worst ride of my life. After all of my great feats, I never expected to be this helpless against a simple goblin’s buttcheeks. Worse yet, along the way we came to discover that Noxie sweats quite easily, causing sweat drops the size of buildings to creep their way through her buttcrack. Fortunately, they never manage to last for very long, so even when one manages to roll over and capture you you’ll be freed once Noxie’s cheek crashes against her butthole.

One might assume you would get used to it after a while, but in reality it’s quite the opposite of that. As time goes on, it feels like everything is only getting more intense. The shaking, the weight of Noxie’s buttcheeks, the sweat, the odor, everything.

After many hours in our steamy prison, I finally hear the sounds of a town outside. Not long after, I listen in on Noxie entering a building and asking for a room. And only a few steps later, I feel motion through Noxie’s butt, but it’s clearly not from her walking. Then, something massive slams onto Noxie’s butthole and proceeds to drag itself across it in a circle pattern, collecting the sweat on it and us along with it. It is far from pleasant, but I can’t blame her for being thorough, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone to remain stuck down here.

When we’re finally pulled out, the mere light of a few candles is enough to hurt my eyes. Once they’ve adjusted to being outside of Noxie’s butt again I take a look at our surroundings, only to feel absolutely gobsmacked. Noxie has lifted us back to her face, but… it looks so much bigger now. Not just her face of course, her finger as well, its ridges like walls to us, and everything else too. As much as I don’t want it to be true, it is fairly obvious what has happened: We have shrunk even smaller than we were in the dungeon.

“IS THAT YA GUYS DOWN THERE? IT’S REALLY DIFFICULT TO TELL YA APART FROM DIRT!” Noxie speaks up as she takes a closer look at her fingertip, each syllable akin to an explosion. I finally snap out of shock and concentrate on getting a telepathic connection.

“Yes, you’ve got all of us! However, I have terrible news: the curse from the trap seems to be getting worse for some reason, we’ve become much smaller than we already were. How close are we to Augsridge by now?”

“I HAVEN’T MADE IT TO AUGSRIDGE YET, BUT IT’S GOTTEN LATE AND I DECIDED TO REST HERE. THE TOWN’S CALLED ‘BALLYVALE’, I THINK.”

“Ballyvale… Ballyvale? That’s not on the path to Augsridge, it’s… it’s south from where we started! We’ve gone in the complete opposite direction of where we need to go!”

“OH… WOOPSIES, SORRY! AT LEAST I’LL KNOW WHICH WAY NORTH IS TOMORROW!” Noxie apologizes, though with not nearly enough concern in her voice considering how dire things are looking for us.

“Hold on Noxie, I… I need to think for a moment.”

The truth is, a powerful cleric isn’t the only way to get rid of a curse like this. I possess a few flasks of the most powerful remedy in the world, Yggdrasil sap, but I had hoped I would be able to save them. However, considering how small we’ve already become and how much further we might shrink within the next few days of travel, I consider this situation most dire.

Unfortunately, there is one more caveat. We are a group of seven, and I only possess six flasks. Choosing who will not receive one is not a difficult choice, however.

“Here, friends, please take this,” I beckon them towards me. “This should return you to normal. Please do not linger, I am sure Noxie will bring me to my cleric friend soon,” I lie.

“But… Great Hero, we can’t accept this! We couldn’t possibly just leave you here by yourself!”

“Ah, how noble of you! That is exactly why you must accept this! You should not have your adventuring career cut short like this, you deserve to grow into the next generation of legendary heroes! I’ve already had my turn, so I insist that you have yours. Besides, if anyone can make it out of this mess it’s me, The Great Hero!”

Although these people are strangers, we still have a heartfelt goodbye. Finally, they drink their Yggdrasil sap, the curse quickly fading away. Things get cramped on Noxie’s fingertip for a moment, before she picks them up and places them on the floor, where they continue to grow back to normal size. They give me and Noxie a final wave goodbye as they leave, and I can tell that each one of them is eager to make the most out of this second chance.

“SO, JUST THE TWO OF US NOW, HUH?” Noxie’s thunderous voice breaks the silence as she stares down at me. “I’VE GOT A SMALL FAVOR TO ASK OF YA, IN EXCHANGE FOR CARRYING YOU AROUND AND ALL THAT. MY BUTTHOLE’S GOTTEN REALLY ITCHY WHILE I COULDN’T SCRATCH IT WITH ALL YA SPECKS ON IT, AND I FIGURED YA COULD SCRATCH IT FOR ME WHILE I HIT THE BED, SOUND GOOD?”

Noxie doesn’t even wait for me to reply, seemingly suggesting that I have no choice but to do this for her. In no time at all, I find myself smeared off against Noxie’s butthole again, the whole thing big enough to easily swallow a town. As she undresses and lies down her buttcheeks fortunately don’t press together as much, alleviating the pressure on me. Not wanting to upset the only person I can rely on, I do as told and begin to scratch the ground with my microscopic hands.

“Hopefully she can still pick me up from here tomorrow. She wouldn’t forget about me, right?”