Eli & Kat - Katastrophic Konsequences by Zuxby

The seconds ticked by like hours for Eli. He anxiously drummed his pencil against his notebook—there was just something so romantic about a yellow No. 2. 

No, no, that was horrible. 

He’d have to think of something better than that. Just as soon as he could get his leg to stop bouncing so obviously.

Meanwhile, Kat was fully engrossed in the Linguistics lecture. When the professor mentioned he hadn’t finished grading tests yet she slunk back in her seat and sulked. She noticed then, but didn’t say anything. Eli was stressing out about something again.

She prodded him about it the second class ended, literally. Jabbing him in the side with her mechanical pencil, she snorted as he yelped like a stuck pooch.

“Hey, chill.” She said nonchalantly, throwing her bag strap over her head. “What’s up? Is it your Mom & Dad again?”

He shook his head and stood up, awkwardly shuffling out of the aisle. “N-no… These things happen, why’d I be worried about them?” He waited as the girl in the floral dress blocking the end of the row grabbed her things and stood up, leaving a small, flattened humanoid form in her seat. Some unlucky Tiny who’d suffered one of the worst fates for someone less than an inch tall, caught in the middle of an immense assprint.

Eli glanced at the voluptuous girl cluessly trotting along and gulped.

She hadn’t even noticed what she’d done…

Kat bumped into his back and squawked. He kept moving.

Eli tried his best to forget what he saw, his face burning with embarrassment. Mixed-Size colleges like this were fraught with dangers for the Regressed. After a certain point all the minor mishaps and tragedies just stopped being a big deal.

That was one of the things he supposed he admired about Kat.

As they squeezed out of the lecture hall, they met each others’ gazes and Eli smiled in that dopey, dumbstruck way of his, like a lost child in a crowded mall. “So how d’you think you did?” He prayed the bead of sweat dribbling down the side of his face wouldn’t betray him.

Kat shrugged. “Fine. Good. Great, actually. I called out from work just so I could get some extra studying in, so if it’s not an A I’ll dunk my face in the deep fryer.”

He nodded along, trying to predict whatever it was he was about to say.

He fumbled with his fingers.

He felt the dryness creeping into his mouth.

He felt… hot.

So hot…

“H-Hey, Kat?” He interrupted suddenly, “So, hypothetically, I was thinking… We’ve been friends for a while, and—and I really like… that I know someone who’s as smart and cool as you…” Tugging at the collar of his ill-fitting sweater vest, he continued, “And I, uh, I—I think I might, y’know, like you.” 

He didn’t know what he was doing, he’d just blurted that out!

“Haha what?” She turned her head back towards him, momentarily distracted by a passing friend from another class.

Had she heard him?

His nerves were shot. Mustering the strength to make his confession once again, he stammered, “I—I said, I think… I… think…”

His head was spinning, he realized only now that it wasn’t from the mounting anxiety and trepidation.

“Kat, I—” His voice trailed off in a haze of delirium and he toppled to the floor amid a wave of gasps.

“ELI!!!!” Kat’s voice rang out, echoing all around him.

The last thing he saw was her huge face looming over him before he blacked out.

Kat paced back and forth, muttering to herself. She only ever did that when she was upset.

A little lump moved under the messy covers, and Eli popped out his head, gasping for air. “Not under the covers!” He announced proudly, red in the face.

Either Kat hadn’t heard him, or she didn’t want to right now.

“Hey, um, Kat?”

She plodded out of the bedroom, then back in, then out and in again and let out a frustrated groan.

Eli frowned. It was the only thing he could do.

It’d taken a few months, but he was getting good at realizing the limits of his ability to repay her generosity.

It’d been a rocky start, but eventually he’d learned to stop worrying about the possibility of crossing the terrifying threshold of friend-to-food after he’d Regressed. And it wasn’t like he had many other options either. His parents were well-off but not rich—they could afford a home for themselves in Tiny Town, but unless he wanted to drop out of school and mail himself halfway across the country (Which was illegal, supposedly), taking Kat up on her offer—no matter how much good faith it might’ve been made in—was his best chance at finishing college.

At least… that was what he kept telling himself to justify it.

Racing across the floor as she sleepily swung herself out of bed and lumbered down the hall, barely avoiding her massive, rumbling footfalls as she went to prepare some morning coffee…

Riding along on her shoulder, admiring the way her bobbed hair curled at the tips and the sunlight barely shone through it, illuminating the shape of the forehead she tried to hide with bangs and big hats…

The many, many times he’d borne witness to her mealtime rituals at a bug’s-eye-view as she scarfed down dozens of delectable Gourmet Tinies and shuddered at the thought of what might happen if he wound up on her plate…

Her—ass.

Eli blinked, and he was back in the waking world, facing the back of Kat’s jeans. She was typing away on her phone, distractedly swaying back and forth before the foot of her bed. Her hips had a pleasant curve to them—Honestly, with the number of Gourmet Tinies and barbecue sauce she slurped down each week he was surprised she wasn’t much plumper. But her ass was healthy, firm, and heading right for him—

Kat collapsed backwards onto her bed, sinking into the plush comforter while Eli tumbled down the fabric falls and came to a cushioned rest at the foot of the bed. Groaning, he mentally patted himself on the back for not ending up under her butt. THAT would’ve been embarrassing…

Above him, Kat was still absorbed in her phone, occasionally taking a quick selfie for the girls. The ground rumbled, and he realized he was situated right between her massive feet, tapping restlessly. Eli hesitated, then approached her right foot. He needed to see if there was anything he could do to help—and more importantly, he needed her to know he was stuck down here again.

“Um, Kat?” He reached up and rapped a fist against her manicured toenail like a neighbor asking for a cup of sugar. “Kat, could you—” The huge, fleshy digits suddenly spread as the distracted giant raised her foot slightly. Eli watched it go up, and come back down—right on top of him.

By some miracle, he didn’t wind up beneath her toes. Instead, he had been saved by the negligible space between her big and second toes. Just as he let out a sigh of relief, they tensed up, and he found himself pinched between them like a piece of toe lint.

“Uuuuuggggghhhhh…” Kat groaned, throwing herself back onto her bed. “Where IS it???” She kicked her feet in the air, clueless to the wild ride she was giving her little roommate.

Eli thought he was going to throw up. He twisted and shouted, beating his fists against her pale footflesh. “Kat! Kat, I’m down here!”

Eventually, Kat became aware of something irritating her between her toes and stopped pedaling her feet. Squinting, her momentary glare turned into a soft grin as she recognized her teeny-tiny housemate hugging one of her toes.

“Oh hey,” She said, smiling. “There you are.” She scrunched her leg and gently plucked him out from between her toes. “Thought you were a piece of lint for a sec!” She giggled, but Eli didn’t find it funny.

“K-Kat… Can you put me down?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah.” She carefully set him down on her shoulder. “Man, you gotta stay off the floor. Next time I catch you near my feet I’m gonna make you ride to class in my shoes.”

“Haha what. A—anyway did you find your chapstick?” He inquired, hoping to drag the conversation away from Kat’s feet and his propensity to wind up at their mercy, mostly by accident.

“No…” Kat sighed wistfully, cupping her face with her hands. The Chica Cherry Cola, her favorite.

“I could look for it!” Eli jumped, like he hadn’t been tunneling through her bedsheets doing exactly that for the last twenty minutes. 

She snorted. “Yeah, sure. Listen, you find my chapstick and I’ll give you a kiss on the cheek.” She’d offered it in jest, but was only too pleased to see the young dope nodding dutifully. 

“I’m on it!” Eli said, leaping off her shoulder and rappelling down her blouse. “I think I saw it earlier!”

Kat watched him, bemused. “You have ‘til I get out of the shower!” She said, getting up and sashaying out of the room. “Good luck, little loverboy!”

He pretended he hadn't heard that lilting sarcasm in her voice.

.   .   .

It was surprisingly easy to find. 

Under the bed, exactly where he swore he’d seen it.

Rolling it out from under the dustbunny den, he exclaimed, “I found it! Hey, I—” He looked up right as she dropped her towel.

It wasn’t the first time he’d caught Kat naked, but he was still compelled to fall silent and avert his gaze as she wiggled into a pair of underwear and hooked a bra around her meager chest.

When he finally worked up the courage to peek between his fingers, she was fully dressed in a short, green cocktail dress and stomping right towards him.

With each booming step Eli became increasingly aware of the fact that she’d forgotten all about him. Her bare foot slapped against the hardwood floor, coming closer and closer until they were practically on top of him. Eli ducked behind the cylinder of lip balm as her feet came to a rest on either side of him. 

He hoped she wouldn’t notice him. Kat was keen to follow through on her threats.

“Hey!” Eli froze up. Well, this wouldn’t be so bad, as long as he had a perfectly reasonable—

A pair of thin fingers wrapped around him, pinning him to the stick of lip balm and hoisting them both into the air. “THAT’S where I left it!”

Eli would’ve let out a sigh of relief if he weren’t being squeezed against a massive tube of cherry chapstick.

“Ka—Kat!” He wheezed, squirming against her whorled fingerprint. A part of him died as she blithely admired her favorite lip balm, not even noticing the speck that’d come along with it. She popped open the cap, and Eli knew what came next.

The room bent around him as Kat brought it up to her mouth and puckered her lips. 

“MMmmmmmmm~”

It drove him mad how close he was to getting that kiss. Pinned under her thumb, he could only watch her lips turning that stunning shade of red—the exact shade she’d worn at the first TA meeting.

“~Mmwah!”

His head was swimming as she finished and stuck the cap back on. Then she—Wait, where were they going?

Twisting his head the other way, Eli saw they were heading for the dresser, where her rhinestone-studded handbag lay half-open.

Without a second thought, she dumped him inside.

He tumbled into the pit along with the lip balm and looked up at Kat’s face, totally oblivious. “Alright dude, I’m heading out!” She called out into the empty room, unaware that her roommate was right under her nose. “I might have the girls over after, and we might be getting a bit drunk, so… Just try to stay out of the way, okay? See ya!”

From the depths of her handbag, Eli shouted, “KAT, WAI—”

The zipper closed with deafening finality, sealing him in darkness.

“Hey, you should try a Tiny!”

“Wha—?” The suggestion was so sudden, it’d caught him completely off-guard.

She grabbed his hand and led him shambling to the nearest GG’s kiosk. “Hi, my friend’s never had a Tiny before,” She explained to the puzzled, pimple-faced high-schooler manning the counter. “Think I could get just one, for him? Cinnamon-sugar, please.” She winked.

The teenager grabbed one of the scrambling little things from behind the glass and plunked it into a paper cone. “On the house.”

“Thanks~” Kat lilted, accepting it and handing it over to Eli. “Here, you GOTTA try!”

Eli stammered. His eyes gazed down into the cone, at the tiny, humanoid shape staring up at him. It—He looked like a young man, about his age. 

He wondered what it must be like. His mind often wandered to these morbid places.

To be less than an inch tall and treated as nothing more than food for giants that barely registered your existence as more than a fleeting aftertaste. To look up at the face of your impending doom, and see nothing but fleeting hunger. Snacks didn’t get sympathy.

Eli shook his head.

Kat pouted. “C’mon man, just a taste?”

Eli shook his head.

“Fiiiinneeee…” She glanced into the cone glumly.

The words just slipped out, he didn’t even know what he was saying.

He wanted to say they should let him go.

He wanted to say he might have a family somewhere 

He wanted to say Tinies didn’t deserve this.

“You should have it.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Obviously.” In one fluid motion Kat plucked him out and flicked him into her mouth. “I’m not just gonna let it go to waste.”

As she spoke, Eli caught glimpses of the pathetic speck struggling in her mouth, fighting a losing battle against her tongue as it flipped him around and explored every inch of his flavor-blasted body. It was morbidly fascinating, a fantastic struggle playing out in the mouth of a girl at the mall. 

He felt powerless—Like watching somebody succumb to a terminal illness.

He felt… like he could watch this forever.

“Honestly, I don’t get why you’re so weird about Tinies.” She said, swallowing. “It’s not like you’re eating a bug, it’s sanitary. It’s humane. Plus it’s, like, barely any calories!”

He watched the infinitesimal lump travel down her throat and disappear into her chest.

It was the first time he’d watched her eat a live Tiny.

It was the first time he realized he liked her.

The purse rocked back and forth like a ship sailing uncharted waters. It was starting to make Eli carsick.

Distant voices chittered away, ones Eli slowly recognized with dawning dread. Not the octopus… 

They were three or four girls Eli had never learned the individual names of—They went everywhere together as a laughing mass two points over the legal limit, a mainstay at ANY party on-campus and Kat’s guide to a good time. She said any party where she DIDN’T see them was as good as dry. He hadn’t seen them since he Regressed, and the very thought of being around the Party Hydra now made him uneasy.

This was… fine.

He was going to make it home safe. With Kat.

He just had to make sure they didn’t get separated. Or her purse didn’t get left behind. Or stolen. Or one of her gal pals didn’t go poking around in it and find what she’d assume was a lost snack. Or Kat wouldn’t find him and decide to punish the nosey little—

There was a click, and the glittering prison lurched forward, burying Eli in a pile of pills and feminine effects. 

They were getting out of the car now.

Kat’s feet clacked against the pavement, joined by the chorus of her entourage’s footsteps. The sound of club music was getting louder and louder, and the girls’ voices with it. Just as he was starting to make out what they were saying, a door flung open and he was lost in a sea of booming beats and choral voices.

He could only imagine what it was like out there.

Dozens—no, hundreds of stomping giants. Laughing, dancing, singing, and eating. 

He knew the kinds of clubs Kat frequented, and if his hunch was correct he was better off staying hidden until they got home.

The rocking came to a stop with an oblique THUD.

She’d set her purse down.

The zipper opened, and a huge, black obelisk fell from above. Eli deftly leapt out of the way to avoid getting crushed by the glowing slab of technology.

Kat’s phone!

He just needed to get it turned on and get a message to her, and he’d be saved!

He pressed his little stick arms against it, but the fading screen didn’t recognize him. It was disheartening, but not as much as what he heard next.

“Oooooh my God…”

“Ohhhh lookit them all!”

“So they’re, like, alive and stuff?”

“Of course they are!” Kat.

“And they, like, don’t wanna be eaten?”

“Would you?”

“Of course not! That’s what makes them so… delicious.” Kat’s words washed over Eli. He started banging against her phone again.

“Ooooh, take a pic, Kat!”

“Yeahhhh, I wanna get a good shot of ‘em right before I swallow!”

“Ugh, gross.”

“You really gotta feel them when you swallow, it’s unreal. Like, they actually try to fight back and stop from going down!” Eli hugged the back of her purse as her hand entered and rummaged around blindly, not eager to get snatched up by her fingers again. “That’s why you can’t eat the bigger ones right away, you just gotta suck on them for a bit first—Ohmygod I don’t have time for this.”

Her hand disappeared, and he felt the purse suddenly rise up into the air. In an instant, Eli’s world flipped on its head, and he found himself floundering through the air.

Kat hastily dumped out the contents of her purse—makeup, pens, pills, breath mints, chapstick, spare change, stale crumbs, her phone and a tiny, unwitting stowaway. Eli tumbled out of the opening, crashing into the cool glass of the table and skidding a ways away.

“There it is!” Kat’s voice said from somewhere. She quickly snatched up her phone and swept everything else into her purse. Everything except Eli, whom she’d overlooked in her haste.

The flashing lights and boom-boom-booming club music disoriented the little man, and easily drowned out his voice. There was a skin-crawling CLACK! and Eli whipped around to find a tray of towering martini glasses had been set down on the table right behind him.

“Okay, okay, drinks are here—Okay, ready?” Kat asked the group of giggling girls, each with a Tiny dangling above their gaping maws. They seemed like they could barely contain themselves, practically drooling with anticipation—one of them was drooling.

“Three, two, one—DOWN THE HATCH!” They all let go and instantly erupted into a chorus of shrill squeals, delighted by the taste of their vodka-spritzed victims.

“Ohhhh my God—”

“Kat, they’re SO good!”

“It’s, like, the BEST thing I’ve EVER tasted!”

“I know, right?” Kat laughed, casually admiring her own Tiny before tossing it into her mouth. “They’re the PERFECT party snacks! Just can’t help myself around them!”

Eli shuddered.

“Heyyyy…” One of the girls cooed, the drooling one; a busty brunette with bad posture and eyelids sagging with pregame. “Where’d my little guy goooo~ I think I dropped himmmm…” Amidst the chaos of the cub, she’d never notice the little man disappearing down the front of her top.

The shitfaced titan leered over the table and Eli froze, hoping she’d overlook his exposed body. Her drooping eyes suddenly lit up as they fell upon him, barely visible through the dancing darkness. “Oh heyyyy!” He tried to run, but she was upon him in a second, clumsy fingers snatching him up. “Theeeeeere you arrrrrreeee~”

Eli fought against the drunken, drooling giant, squeezed between her peachy digits. “H—HEY! STOP! I’M NOT FOOD! I’M NOT—I’M A PERSON! I’M KAT’S—”

“Yeahhhh…” Her breath washed over him, bathing him in the smell of cheap booze. “I bet allll you delicious little things say thaaaaaatt…” She licked her lips sloppily, drooling all over herself. “Doesn’t make you any less tasty though~”

She slowly opened her mouth, thick strands of spit snapping as a thin, gray tongue wriggled out, eager to explore every inch of him. “Onnnn second thought…” She giggled, “You’re kinda cuuuuute…” Her cool, drunken eyes swam all around him, inspecting Eli at every angle except his face. “I bet Kat would like youuuuu~ She’s got this cute lil’ roommate, always wondered what he tastes like…”

“THAT’S—” The pad of her thumb slid up and smothered his face.

The busty brunette reached over and tapped Kat on the shoulder. “Heyyyyyy~ Check out THIS little guy, he’s cuuuuuuuteee…” 

Hope swelled in Eli’s chest. 

YES! Look at him, look AT him! RESCUE HIM!

Just as Kat started to turn her head, someone else snatched the girl’s hand and yanked it towards them.

NO NO NO!!!

“Heyyy, you said this one’s cute?” Said one of the other girls. “I wanna see!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“Don’t hold out on us, Marcie!”

All at once Eli was being whirled around the group, half a dozen angry eyes glimpsing and peeking at his apparently adorable little body. They all flew past like visions in a tornado; a plump girl in glasses, a tall, freckled Goth, a girl who might’ve been what the girl holding him looked like if she was sober—and Kat.

“Y’know, the cute ones are the TASTIEST!” She cooed, amused by the feeding frenzy.

“Ooohhhh, I want him!”

“Gimme gimme!”

“Heyyyy, I found him first~”

The girls fought amongst the miniature morsel until Kat was sure they’d get kicked out if it went any longer and got any louder. Wrestling them apart, she forced the drunken slob—Marcie—to hand over the cute little snack.

Any relief Eli might’ve felt was short-lived, as he found himself held aloft before the Party Hydra. From this high up, he could see the entire throng of partying people. Excited clubgoers dancing, drinking, and just… talking. 

It was the most he’d seen of the outside world in ages.

It was the first time he realized just how much he missed it…

“ALRIGHT!” Kat’s voice reeled him back into the situation at hand. “HERE’S WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO!” He closed his eyes and prayed she’d have a sudden change of heart and just decide to let him go. Not even go home with her, just… go.

The world rushed past Eli, and he found himself staring into the open end of a fizzling glass of gin. 

Before he pieced together what was happening, she let go. In slow-motion he splashed into the sea of a dry martini, and surfaced sputtering like a drowning dog. He was thankful he knew how to stay afloat, but he doubted it’d keep him alive much longer.

Kat smiled down at him and waved condescendingly, not even recognizing her speck of a roommate. Her best friend…

She grabbed the glasses and began mixing them around, swapping the places of their drinks until all of them had been skillfully rearranged—but she hadn’t touched his, her eyes locked onto it at all times. Picking up the tray, she turned around and presented it to her gal pals. “Take your pick, ladies!”

They practically tripped over each other trying to snatch up their drink of choice. By some miracle, each of the glasses were taken except his, each girl taking a moment to inspect their drink for any sputtering specks.

“Just like I planned,” Kat whispered, deftly grasping her glass and raising it like a goblet of the richest wine. She glanced down at the delicious Tiny that she had expertly arranged to be in the glass closest to her, wading through the lake of alcohol. She wondered if the little thing even knew what was coming next. 

She shrugged, bringing the glass to her lips. It didn’t matter.

She always got what she wanted.

As his glass prison tilted, Eli fought against the quickening current, dragging him towards Kat’s lips. 

“KAT! KAT, IT’S ME!” Eli wailed, wishing he knew how to do more than tread water uselessly, as gallons of liquor disappeared down her throat. “Kat… please…” Her thin lips loomed overhead, glistening with Chicka Cherry Cola. 

He hoped he tasted alright.

She closed her lips and swished her drink around in her mouth, trying to parse out the feeling of a flailing Tiny. When she couldn’t feel anything, she swallowed and peered into her glass.

Not there—She must’ve drank him down without even realizing it.

Kat sighed wistfully and sipped the rest of her dry drink. On second thought, she wished she could’ve gotten a good look at him, just to see how cute he really was…

As luck would have it, Eli wasn’t on a one-way trip to Kat’s stomach. Instead, he’d been caught by her closing mouth at the last second and smeared into her bottom lip. Hugging the plush bed of skin, he heard a POP! and turned his head to find the business end of a tube of lip balm.

Chicka Cherry Cola…

“MMMMMMMMMWAH~”

It was a quick touch-up, just a smidge applied to the top, then the bottom lip, but it was enough to get him stuck to the short, waxy tower. It wasn’t ideal, but it kept him safe, and for that he was grateful.

It’d been a long night—and he feared it was only going to get longer—but right before Kat popped the lid back on he swore she smiled at him.

Her little loverboy had gotten that kiss after all.