Chapter 1 - Baring my heart to you

I had stayed awake for hours, dread fighting with hope in me as I moved  around our apartment. It was a good thing it was both made for someone my size and large, courtesy of my salary. Even then, the spacious living room, each of our bedrooms, the room used to collect all the stuff we wanted kept but didn't know what to do with, the large kitchen and the fifth, smaller room for guests felt small when he wasn't with me. Our plants, our books, our pictures. Everything reminds me of him and keeps me awake like that.

Jeff came back at two in the morning, drunk and crying. And I couldn’t endure it, not again. Not when I had assured him that all would go well, that of course, this time, the woman he had been talking to on the dating app, whatever it was, would be hooked. How couldn’t she? He was so beautiful! Even if I had never told him that, he wouldn’t have liked it, I suspected. So I had reassured him and when he hadn’t been back at 21h, I had been relieved.

Looking down at him now, I realized how wrong I had been. His short brown hair was a mess, his eyes puffy and red and his small body shivering, wracked by silent sobs. He hadn’t noticed me, too lost in his pain and I felt my heart being crushed looking at him like that. We had been friends for well over a decade. And my feelings for him had become clear to me almost seven years ago by now. I had never acted on them, I couldn’t.

“Hey Jeff,” I called him, “need anything bro?”

He winced, almost as if he had been slapped and it pained me. But I couldn’t let him hurt himself. Not again. Not when I had seen the scars on his arms, when he hadn’t been quick enough to cover them, a month ago. What kind of friend would I be if I let my best friend suffer like that? I covered the distance in two great strides, kneeling in front of him, to try and make my towering 3m60 seem less imposing compared to his 1m68.

You have to understand, I’m a Big. A tall one, at that, most Bigs never break the 3m40 after all, men and women. I had been unhappy with my size when I had met Jeff in High School. He also was suffering from low esteem due to his body’s particularities. He helped me a lot, even if he didn't realize it. I hit the gym because of him. I became who I am thanks to him. And I kept failing him.

“Sorry Mike,” he mumbled, looking away from him. “I… I woke you up.”

“It’s fine, bro. You know I don’t need as much sleep as you tiny things,” I said, smiling, trying to assuage him. “I guess it didn’t work out quite as well as…”

“She fucking laughed in my face,” he exploded, fresh tears running down his pale cheeks, turning red by his shame. “Because I’m… I’m a pathetic ugly freak!”

“Hey now! That’s not true man! She was just a super bitch! You should have called me or came back early! We could have hit the bars or something, lift your spirits and-”

“What would have been the point!” he cried out, interrupting me. “More… more time wasted pretending I’m not a loser, that nobody loves me, nobody will ever love me and I should just go and die in a ditch!”

“I love you.”

I blurted it out. Not thinking, not able to be careful, to skirt the subject, to try and lift his spirits, getting him out of his pain. I forgot about all my fears of hurting our friendship, of losing it. I couldn’t be focusing on that, I needed to help him. I bared my heart to him, to let him know someone cared about him in the way he wanted those women to do, even when they never did, when they spat on him, mocking his body and failing to notice his heart.

“Ah! I love you too, bro, but it’s not the same thing,” he sniffled, looking away from me still, until I forced his head to turn toward me, and I kissed him on the lips, letting my large tongue enter his mouth, stealing his breath away.

“I love you, Jeff,” I repeated, when I finally broke the kiss, hugging him, lifting him so he could be pressed on my muscular body, trying to convey the depth of my feelings for him. “I know…” I continued, but he stopped me.

Not with words.He pressed his own lips on mine, his tiny and frail arms thrown around my neck. I could taste the alcohol in his mouth, but I didn’t care about it. Come tomorrow morning, he’d have forgotten all, but at least I would know it had happened and we’d be able to pretend nothing had changed between us. I let my hands move to his ass, and I felt him tense, before I groped it tenderly.

“I love you, and your big ass, bro,” I whispered, lifting my head to break his desperate kiss, smiling lovingly at his pale flushed face.

He whimpered, clutching me tighter. He looks so good on my skin, I can’t help but notice it. He’s really pale, not like someone who never sees the light of the sun, just naturally low in melanin. I’m from the West Indies you see, my skin is way darker - I do look Black. But I also have some heavy White ancestry, it shows in my green eyes and blond hair. I’m quite the looker, I’ve been told a lot. Jeff is more beautiful than I can ever hope to be, to me.

“You don’t think that, it’s disgusting…” he mumbled, but he leant even more into my powerful pecs, my abs, making me sigh with a mixture of sadness and pleasure - he yelped when my fingers went beneath his pants and caressed his ass.

You have to understand, Jeff’s ass is big. Not big for a man. Or even big for someone who’s not a Big. Just, overall, big. Huge, in fact, on his frame, a real bubble butt, swaying and wobbling in a tantalizing way with every step he takes. Not getting hard watching him do anything was always a struggle. Now, it’d be harder when he’d wake up tomorrow and I’d have to pretend he just came home wasted and went to bed alone.

“I love your ass, bro,” I told him tenderly, kissing his lips lightly - even his face is very feminine, not a trace of facial hair, high cheeks, large eyes with long lashes. I did not say it out loud, of course. I know it'd hurt him and I refuse to do that to him. Ever.

“I… Are you hard?” he suddenly gasped and it was my turn to freeze.

You see, I’m Big. All over. You could say I’m well hung, but that's an understatement. Flaccid, it’s already over 32 cm long. Hard? How boy, last time I measured it, I hadn’t finished growing, it was at least 66 cm. I’m pretty sure it got even bigger now, at least by 7 or 8 centimeters, maybe more. I honestly don’t really care about it, beyond the fact I always tried to avoid showing even the outline to Jeff - he cared about that sort of thing, and he was rather… small down there, from what I had understood.

“Sorry. I should let you get a shower and then sleep, bro…” I mumbled, but I was unable to put him back on the ground, not when I was finally able to hug him like I had wanted to for years and years, and to kiss him, to feel his soft breath on the skin of my neck.

“Yeah, you should…” he replied, his voice as low as me, his brown eyes gazing into mine. “But I need to feel loved, Mike…”

My breath got caught in my throat. I knew I needed to let him go, I could still save our friendship, pretend nothing had happened. But his voice, that quivering little voice, desperate for some warmth to fill the void where he craved love so much. It broke my resolve, and I kissed him again. Not tenderly now, but with passion. I carried him to my bed and I let myself fall on it, pinning Jeff under my massive body, leaving him gasping as I bit my lower lips seductively, as I let my own desires free, for once.

“Like what you see, bro?” I asked him as I got back a little, removing my night t-shirt, revealing my perfectly defined muscles, shifting my hips just enough to put my hard cock, through my shorts, right over his own. “All this body’s for you, Jeff. Are you sure you want it?”

“I can take it,” he said, sounding unsure even in his cockiness, and he made me smile.

“I never doubted that, bro,” I replied, tracing the contour of his face. “But do you want it? I… I want to plow your ass, Jeff. I want to feel you underneath me, as I fuck your big juicy ass, but I’ll only do that if you agree with it.”

“Can I see your dick first?” he asked, bringing one of my fingers to his mouth and sucking it gently, being the hottest man on Earth as he did so, effortlessly.

“You just have to ask, bro,” I laughed, elation washing over me. “I’ve always wanted to show you my whole body - and to see yours, in all its glory.”

He was about to answer, but stopped when I removed my shorts. His eyes bulged and I heard him suck in a shaky breath as he took me in. I won’t lie, it made me feel good to see my little love reacted like that the first time he saw my body in the dimly lit room. I almost flexed for him, but I didn’t want to overwhelm him. I returned to the bed on all four, moving until my cock was near his face.

“You don’t need to force yourself to do anything, bro,” I told him. “I know I’m pretty big down there, I don’t want you to get hurt. Just pumping would be - oh shit!”

He was licking me. I gasped and tensed, and did my best not to blow my nuts just yet. Fuck me, but Jeff was really good. He had zero sexual experience but he was freaking good. I had fucked a lot of people by then - really. I was easily in a high two digits number, perks of being a Big. Somehow we were all smol magnets. They don’t like we call them that, by the way - but it makes me hot calling them smol, even my smol little Jeff.

“Jeff, bro… You can’t do that and not give me a fellatio now,” I whined, and he did just that!

I gasped again when I felt his tiny mouth engulfing my member. I steadied myself, refusing to let my hips move. I didn’t want to fuck Jeff’s face. Not like that, not when I just revealed my feelings for him! I needed to take things slow, if I hoped to salvage our relationship. I was sure I’d have a lot of efforts to do to save it and using my crush’s head like a fleshlight would prevent me from doing that, even in my lust-addled state I knew it.

“Stop,” I asked him, preparing to remove my cock from his mouth before I came. “I want to fuck your ass and see your face when you’ll orgasm, bro.”

He let go of my cock, which popped out of his mouth with a loud plop. We laughed, he and I, and I felt my cheeks darkening. I love the way he laughs. It was true then, it is still true now. When he laughs, it’s almost as if all the pain and suffering and self-deprecation he suffers from just disappears. He makes my heart flutter and all I want is to prolong the laugh of my love. That night, as he laughed with me, I gently moved him up on the bed so I could see his face as I penetrated him for the first time.

“Be gentle,” he asked me. 

“Always,” I responded, kissing him again, tenderly. “Tell me if you want me to stop at any time, okay, bro?”

He nodded, shyly now. He was beautiful then, looking small and self-conscious suddenly, as if he hadn’t been asking for my cock just a few moments ago. I purred, and he heard me and he smiled shyly, making me shy also. He looked so fragile, so exhausted! Could I really just put my cock in his anus like that, like some sort of brute? I hesitated but I felt him move his hips and push himself closer to my hard member. He was clearly drunk, but he wanted it, and I did too.

I positioned my cock and pushed gently, using one hand to part his ass cheeks open. He gasped and tensed when the head went in, but he didn’t ask me to stop, didn’t even whimper. I pushed myself deeper and deeper into him, marvelling at his ability to take me in like that. I realized he was hard, looking down to make sure I wasn’t hurting him. It was… really small. One of my nuts was bigger than both of his and a good part of his dick! I felt angry at those women who had mocked him for it and his unusual physique.

“You’re beautiful, Jeff…” I told him, putting my free hand on his cheek, caressing it, enjoying the way his head leant into it. “You really are, you’ve always been, bro… And the way you can take me… so sexy…”

He moaned softly, looking so vulnerable. I felt the urge to protect him battling with the urge to pound him hard. I managed to find a balance, as I started to gyrate my hips, making him gasp and squirm but not so fast and hard that he was in pain. I was taking the sight in whole, the way he tensed and relaxed as I moved in and out, the little squirms, the soft moans. I covered his whole body with mine and gasped when I felt his smol lips on my nipple, harder than it had any right to be while I gave love to Jeff.

“I love you, Jeff,” I repeated, again and again, as I plowed his ass, making him whimper and cum on my hard abs, his jizz drying while I hadn’t even unloaded myself, too focused on him to care about my own release - until he said two words.

“Creampie me.”

I did. I came with a loud roar, my whole body tensing, as I cradled him, unleashing a torrent of cum in his ass, like I had dreamed to do so many times before, like I had jerked off fantasizing about a million times at least. And as I finished, as my body relaxed, I felt his own do the same. Before I knew it, he was sleeping peacefully, exhausted but with a smile of bliss on his lips.

“You’re so lovely when you’re happy, Jeff,” I whispered tenderly.

I should have removed myself from him then. A simple move of the hips, and it would have done the trick, but I couldn’t. I felt so well, connected to him both physically and emotionally. Gone was the self loathing and the pain of his return, the constant battle with his ego to deal with his negative self-image. I caressed his face again, biting my lips as I shifted his, cradling him in my arms.

“I’ll just wake up before you and bring you to your bed, bro. You won’t remember it happened and I’ll help you find a girl.”

I was on my back now, with the light weight of my bro on me. I looked at him longingly. I wished I could be honest with him, bare my feelings to him when he’d remember it. He was so beautiful. Yes, in a non-traditional way for a man. He did have the femboy look nailed down, and that ass! Just looking at it got me half hard again - and that’s when I realized that even soft, I had still been in him. My breath caught in my throat. I really needed to get out of that tight, delicious, anus. 

I did not. I looked at him, listening to his breathing. It soothed me, and before I knew it, I was also sleeping. I always woke up before him anyway, so I think I had rationalized that it wouldn’t be a problem. I had a pleasant dream, I think. I didn’t remember them, as what I had just lived through was better than anything my mind could conjure. I wish I had remembered them, perhaps it would have prepared me better for what happened when I woke up.

Because, when I finally opened my eyes, I was laying on my side, my arms still cradling him, my morning wood painfully constrained by his insides, and his own pushed against my lower abdomen, grazing my abs and almost driving me wild. It was late for a Sunday, at least around 10 in the morning. And my smile vanished when, looking down at Jeff’s lovely face, I was met with his brown eyes open and looking into mine.

He had woken up before me, and now I couldn’t hide the fact that I had taken his anal virginity and destroyed our friendship.